In honor of Prime day (…found out it was Prime day the day of because I’m clearly amazing at being an “influencer”,) and my unending adoration of lists, cats, and run-on sentences, here are some Amazon purchases my fellow captor and I have made for our feline overlords over the years that have made our cohabitation more tolerable.

I should start off by saying that we have Bengal cats. They’re like normal cats, but louder…smarter… and oh so much more demanding.

Also! As a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, (an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com,) I receive commissions for purchases made through links in this post.

Let’s get started!  First:

1. The Largest Litter Box You Have Ever Seen in Your Entire Life.

We don’t have tigers I swear. We just have finicky little turd nuggets (both literal and proverbial,) that like to perform acrobatics while defecating, then launch out of the box and sprint away from their own poo as fast as their own now-toxic wind can carry them.

This high-walled masterpiece contains all matter of ill, is easy to clean, and has handy dandy side pockets (further proof pockets make everything better) which helps contain all the other madness I’m about to describe to you.

 

2. This Litter Made from Bits of Actual Heaven

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I’ve never seen heaven so I don’t know what it’s comprised of, but this stuff is pretty darn amazing. It blocks smells, clumps like no other, and doesn’t launch a meteor impact cloud of clay dust every time one of our fur babies departs the box like they’re dismounting the uneven parallel bars.

Also, honorable mention / shout out to World’s Best Cat Litter, which lives up to it’s name and we used and loved for YEARS, but the cats decided they didn’t like it anymore and told us in the most imaginative and odorous of ways in which Jackson Pollock would have been proud.

 

3. This Metal Litter Scoop (if you’re still using plastic I suggest you conduct a ceremonial burning in the yard this instant….maybe not, don’t burn plastic, but you know what I mean! Do SOMETHING dramatic.)

In the immortal words of Will Ferrel’s character in Blades of Glory whose name I can’t remember right now, “I could not love a human baby more than I love this…cat litter scoop.” …Or something like that.

Honestly. Whoever said money couldn’t buy happiness hasn’t been digging cat turds out of a babypool sized litter box using only a spork for the last ten years.

If the Doctor showed up with the Tardis right now, I’d take his hand, tell him “it’s fine I don’t need pants”, remember NOT to blink, and would ask that our first stop be back in time so I could chuck this glorious time-saving contraption at my own head, to knock some sense into it.

 

4. Kitty Television: This Window Bed + This Suction Cup Bird Feeder (No animals are harmed in the making of this setup)

 

My cat loves to lounge in the sun, staring at all the birds he’ll never be able to chase, contemplating when the next belly scratches are scheduled to commence.

There is a rather bold squirrel who keeps climbing up into it off and on, and I wouldn’t mind the structural integrity of the suction cup to give way just once to teach him a quick lesson in boundaries.

 

5. This Water Fountain: Because Splashed Water is Easier to Fix Than Kidney Failure

We love this little fountain, and although at times the cats like to bat at it and splash it about like they’re reenacting the gas station scene from Zoolander, it’s crucial to cats to drink a TON of water to keep their lil internal organs functioning properly. This fountain is easy to clean, refill and is just cute as a button (…I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I mean honestly, what does that even mean? Buttons aren’t even cute.)

 

6. This Weird Magical Hair Removal Paddle

I’m clearly amazing at writing, and descriptions in general. Please buy all my future published works.

Essentially this palm-sized disk goes to town quickly and easily removing cat (or dog…or ferret…or…sasquatch) hair from couches, curtains, and more!

7. This Cat Collar / Leash

Not all cats will be down for this. In our house, we have one cat who’s constantly trying to go outside, and another that turns into the Tasmanian devil the second you set his precious little toe pebble footsies on a dirty surface.

If you’ve been binge-watching My Cat From Hell and want to give it a go, this is the harness for you.

 

8. This Fish. (Spoiler Alert: My Cats HATE It.)

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that if you spend mad skrilla on a cat toy, your domesticated jaguars will play with the plastic wrap you took off of it instead.

Regardless, this fish is hilarious and you should probably buy it if only to piss off your cats.

 

Alright! You’ve made it this far! I’m super proud of you. What? You don’t own a cat? Well, this is embarrassing…

via GIPHY

What did I miss? Cat got your tongue?!  (I regret nothing…) Have an epic pet item that made your life easier? Drop it in the comments below!

Check out my complete list in my storefront here.