12 Epic Kitschy Kitchen Gadgets

This electric tea kettle can boil water in 3-7 minutes and the illumination offers the opportunity for an impromptu, yet rather short dance party in your kitchen.

Although a plethora of other countries take the cake for consuming the most tea, the first electrical kettle was developed in 1891 in the United States, so, you know…go us! It’s still a mystery to me why I never saw one until my trip to Ireland in 2016.

I can’t stand seeing dirty dishes in the sink. Rinse them off and put them in the washer, I always say!

But if the washer is running…then what do you do?

What if aliens are invading, and you don’t have time to put the plate on the bottom rack where it belongs?

Do you rinse them, and then…stand there and wait while hordes of zombies flock to the street and you’re waiting for your teacup to drip dry?

Do you drop them upside down on a dishtowel on the counter?

No.

You roll out this bad boy and let those puppies drip dry in the most modern and stylish way possible.

The rack can be rolled up when not in use or left out all the time if you want to sort of look like you live in a very modern or futuristic spaceship.

The ’70s called, they want their knife back.

Well, too bad, they can’t have it!

With all this of introspection and fermentation yeast in every glass container, you can find…there are a lot of fluffy, fragrant, sourdough loaves lying around, just asking to be sliced and smothered in butter.

If you’ve made your sourdough loaf correctly, you risk smooshing it to death with a regular serrated knife.

Enter, the electric knife!

Sure to keep your sourdough from collapsing, and to CUT your work in half…

Sorry, I had to.

4. This Apple Cutter in all its OCD Glory

Some of us also are known for eating an apple for dinner. (Because we’re an adult, and you’re not my real mom and you can’t tell me what to do!)

But, if you’re already going to be lazy enough to only eat an apple for dinner, you can verify that your dinner apple will be cut in consistent slices.

Every. Dang. Time.

This little guy is a bit of a conundrum.

Why would Dracula want to help you grind up garlic cloves?

Aren’t vampires allergic to garlic?

Maybe that was all a clever ploy to make mankind feel safe as long as they have their festive garlic garland on at all times?!

These are the sorts of questions you’ll ask yourself while you’re going to town on that pile of garlic you’ve accumulated on your kitchen counter.

I’m sure this is not the first time you’ve heard of this. It is not an astounding revelation. But it merits making the list because I am here to tell you that the hype is 100% justified.

Remember all I said earlier about attention spans, and making things faster?

Well, this gadget is like the electric water kettle’s cooler, older, cousin who has two extra tickets to the concert on Friday night and just got you on the guest list.

I don’t know what that means, but I do know that I’ve made Tikka Masala in my InstaPot in under an hour, and that recipe normally takes 8 or 10 in the slow-cooker.

That is 7-9 hours you get back of your life that you can allocate to binge-watching the Parks and Recreation or learning how to crochet.

Don’t you love it when you go to open one of your kitchen drawers, and at some point, all contents may have shifted during life, and you end up having to hip check the drawer just to get out your lucky ladle?

Yeah, me neither.

This handled mixer and its wicked convenient case get the mixin’ job done and reduce the number of random attachments that end up floating all around your kitchen and its complex nebula of drawers.

At which point they say “Yes, dear, there is some in the freezer!” And for you to stare longingly at the croissant you just warmed and really wanted to put butter on.

Because “ain’t nobody got time” to wait for that butter to soften up on its own!

This defroster tray also works well when you forgot you were adulting today and were supposed to take out the chicken for dinner…hours ago.

It is non-stick, easy to clean, and is designed to draw out the cold from whatever frozen delectable delight you are working with.

Because any opportunity to gross out your children, nieces, and nephews, parents, or parents in law should be exploited to the fullest possible extent. This nasty Ned helps separate the yolks from the whites for low cholesterol breakfast eggs, or when you need an army of egg whites to make your magnificent, mouth-watering, meringue.

Assuming everyone still wants dessert after watching the eggwhites flow freely from his gaping nostrils.

For when you want to look confident and wise as you painstakingly measure out the ingredients before your guests before encouraging them all to the living room for appetizers and you pull the premade Costco chicken pot-pie casserole dish out of the fridge and pop it into your own container.

I got you, it will be our little secret.

For lucky folks like me who inadvertently married a weirdo who likes to sub out vegetable shavings for ACTUAL DELICIOUS PASTA.

Here’s a gadget that enables you to expedite the entire process, and thus get it over with faster.

Great for baking homemade or reheating a pie and ensures maximum level crispiness on the crust, which I’m sure we can all 100% agree without any potential for debate, is the best part.